To all that have been following me on my cancer journey and have sent me positive vibes and prayers, thank you.
This isn’t an easy journey and I wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone. With the good comes the bad, and after my second D & C hysteroscopy to see if my oral chemo has been working to shrink the tumor, we learned that the initial results aren’t promising. I have one of the best cancer teams in Orlando on my side and I trust the path my oncologist has me taking. He doesn’t sugarcoat anything and for a sensitive soul like myself, that’s both good and bad. He thinks that the medicine hasn’t shrunk the tumor and we should start thinking about doing a hysterectomy. I burst into tears learning this because well, a hysterectomy is so…final. It sounds like a death sentence for someone who had a dream to become a mother naturally. I’m a little angry that God is taking that option from me. Yes, there are alternatives like fostering and adoption but my fellow Mamas out there know that nothing is the same as holding a child you birthed in your arms.
Right now, it’s a waiting game until the official results come back from the pathologist in a week or two. For my sanity’s sake, my fingers are crossed it’s sooner than that. My emotions are all over the place and the decision I have to make to remove my uterus is a hard one. It’s not one I want to think about but I know I can’t just keep pushing the decision aside hoping that my medicine will all of a sudden magically work. I have a lot to think about but I don’t have to do it alone. I have an extremely supportive fiancé as well as both our families and friends on my side. No matter what happens with all of this, I know I won’t be alone in it.
I’m a fighter and rarely do I give up on the most important things to me. Learning this initial news left me scared and hopeless at first but I bounce back fairly quickly and become determined and hopeful again. I feel I haven’t exhausted all options with treatment yet and I plan on doing some research to see what other alternatives there are to a hysterectomy. My tumor is encapsulated and my cancer is stage 1 so I believe I have some time to try other things before a “final” surgery. But there is a small risk that the cancer could spread. My doctor’s goal and of course mine as well is to keep me alive. Anything I plan to try will be with his guidance and advice.
I’m not ready to give up my uterus yet.