Tomorrow is World Cancer Day and because I am a cancer fighter, I thought I would share more of my message.
Not all cancer looks the same. I still have all of my hair and I don’t look “sickly”. I haven’t lost a lot of weight only because I have not had surgery or chemotherapy yet, (fingers crossed that it is not needed) and my cancer is considered a low grade meaning it is less aggressive, grows slowly and gives my oncologist a longer timeframe to treat me. Right now, I am on my second month of taking Megestrol pills twice daily to try and shrink the tumor.
I do tend to keep a positive attitude most of the time and don’t open up to many people about my cancer because I don’t want to feel like I am a burden to them and certainly don’t want them to feel sorry for me. But prayers and positive vibes are always welcome my way.
Sometimes though, I have really bad days. There are days where the pain in my uterus is almost too much to handle and nothing helps. I will lie in bed sobbing, hoping that my pain medication will kick in faster. It never does. But the worst of days is trying to hold back tears and keeping the green eyed monster at bay when you find out someone you know is pregnant or expanding their family. Because of my personality, I tend to let those emotions overcome me all too often and I know I should be happy for the people in my life who are experiencing happy life events…but I can’t. I force myself to put on a smile and pretend to be happy for them, but inside, I’m dying. I ask God “why me?” and sink into a depression where I am just going through the motions of life. But then I pull myself together and get on with life because I am a fighter.
I’ve always wanted children and knowing I will never be able to have my own (unless a miracle happens), is the worst feeling ever. So please, if you are friends with me and I don’t seem overly excited for your new bundle of joy or seeing your pregnancy announcement cross my Facebook newsfeed, this is why.
I know my diagnosis isn’t the worst, but I still have that terrible C word, cancer. My best advice to anyone is to listen to your body! If you think something is wrong, then make an appointment with your doctor. Don’t wait until it may be too late. When I started having weird “lady issues” last summer, I made an appointment with my gynecologist. I’m very lucky they caught this at a very low grade. My 5 year survival rate is very high, but I know that there is a possibility that my tumor could grow and that is a very scary though. I am trying to stay hopeful that the hormone therapy will work and that I will not need a hysterectomy. But if it doesn’t, there are always other ways to build a family, and for that, I am thankful.
Years may pass and I may heal completely, but never again will the simple act of waking up to a normal day as a healthy individual be taken for granted nor go unappreciated.